I'm sorry you all missed the Soil Baron's Ball last night where the annual gongs, the Snabbies, were handed out while watching repeats of The Mentalist on Channel 5. This year's awards had a musical theme so forgive me if I keep bursting into song while I announce the winners.
- Best single vegetable: "Will You Ever Make the Plate" by The Humble Peas
- Best fruit album: "Spring Pickings" by Forced Rhubarb [although that's technically the stem of a perennial herb so for the pedantic please accept "Microfruit" by The Alpine Strawberries].
- Breakthrough act: Celeriac
- Best newcomer: Wild Celery
- Best obscure Indie act: Miner's Lettuce
- Best group: The Brassicas, (at least after Carla Breeze, the Robbie Williams of the band, was expelled for going AWOL)
- Best international artist: The Japanese Bunching Onions
- Onion-related underachievement lyric award: "I left my swollen bulbs to rot in the August monsoon, I'll never make that mistake again, I'll be pulling in June"
- Frank Sinatra Regrets I've Had a Few Award: April Frost and the (Notso-) Hardy Kiwi Ensemble
- John Stevens A&R Award for heavy investment in a spectacular flop: The Barren Pumpkins.
- Most mysterious unsolved crime (except of course the great Brownfield Briefing Awards Night robbery): overnight theft of my entire Blackcurrants box set (Yes, we have no ribena)
- Kenny Rodgers Award for outstanding commitment to growing fruit and vegetables: Family Shittingstone's three weeks in Australia in the prime planting season. You picked a fine time to leave me Hughey, with four hungry raised beds and a crop to be drilled... Did Hugh ever come back, he hasnt posted since?
- Outstanding contribution to the blog in 2011: "What is the point of green manure?" Whatever happened to ComeonyouToms? Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didnt mean it...
- Nanotechnology award for new dwarf cultivars: allcomers were trounced in this category by Al lotment's proteges The Subatomic Carrots. Altogether now:
- For he's a Technical Fellow
- His onions are never too shallow
- His parsnips are small, but they're yellow
- Which, at least, nobody can deny...
I'll be thinking of you all over my neeps and sprouts, which in a festive first, will be whisked straight from plot to chopping board in ten seconds. I wish you a fruitful 2012.
Huge congratulations to Al lotment for the subatomic Carrots! I hope you will all be celerating your wins with a fine scottish single Malt.
ReplyDeleteThe ground at the plot in Minster has been rotovated ready for the winter and we are sat back ready to chill out for the Christmas period. Jen bob and I will , as always be holding the ERM fort in Oxford and will raise a glass of Pinot for you at the Fishes with some fishcakes (last time we went we were mis sold the fishcakes so they need to pull it out of the bag to reinstall our faith in them!)
Happy all of the season to you all from the Lazy Gardener!
Ho Ho Ho! A classic post to finish the year and prove that all that Scottish fresh air keeps the mind and wit sharp! I shall be singing the subatomic carrots ditty as i dig the last of my parsnips tomorrow - Have a lovely Christmas all and watch you dont get sunburn down on the beach.
ReplyDeleteBSB: Now you've finally apologised I will return to the fold - going to spend a couple of weeks planning next years garden over Christmas
ReplyDeletePerhaps we could a cross Britain competition with a few flower and veg varieties - we all get the same seeds and have to grow biggest / tallest etc?
Toms, what is this proclivity of yours to turn everything into a competition. I'm sure the Mentalist would have something to say about that. You want to be careful, it won't be long before you growing carrots in pipes filled with sand and taking them to bed with you. I might just be up for a curliest kale competition though.
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